Turns out Brown’s doing the reshuffle today. First up: Johnson’s the new Home Secretary.

Of course! Why didn’t we predict that last night? If there’s any job that destroys the reputation of Labour Cabinet Ministers, it’s this – the job of death. How will Johnson be able to go through a whole year in this job without exposing himself as a Stalinist Authoritarian, trampling all over civil liberties and engaging in reckless, populist totalitarianism?

Poor Johnson. He’d managed to go his entire career without putting a foot wrong and now he’s screwed.