I thought I’d repost this thing from my old blog I wrote last time Labour MPs decided they wanted to get rid of Brown.
Turned out they were stopped, quite easily, by the simple fact that the NEC will not issue nomination papers for a new leader while the Party is in Government. Literally, they said that they’d never issued nomination papers during their time in Government, and therefore that was the precedent that must be follow.
[INT: In The corridors of Westminster Palace. Smell of cigarettes and gourmet food fills the air. MPs are rolling around on carpets made from £50 notes, laughing]
MP:
Ah, Hail Comrade! How goes the democratic Socialist cause today, Brother?
Whip:
Democratic What?! (beat) Oh! I see. Ah, well, ‘it’ is fine… er.. Comrade.
MP:
Hey, listen, I was wondering…
Whip:
Oh?
MP:
Yes. A little matter, really, but now that we’re democratic socialists, I was hoping, you know, perhaps to see if we can.. er… elect a new leader, Comrade?
Whip:
Hmm. I’m afraid that’s quite impossible.. er.. Brother.
MP:
But.. we are a democratic party are we not? We do have democratic rights, don’t we?
Whip:
Of course, Comrade. Democracy is at the heart of everything we do. But you can’t have a leadership election without getting 70 fellow Comrade MPs to fill in nomination forms. No, I’m afraid to say, it’s quite impossible.
MP:
Oh, I see. Well.. could I have some nomination forms then?
Whip:
Comrade! Comrade, come here (puts hands on shoulder) We’re in Government. And for 11 years we’ve not issued nomination papers, right?
MP:
Well.. yes.. but..
Whip:
Well this not issuing nomination papers while we’re in Government is… well, it’s sort of tradition now, yes?
MP:
Yes.. but..
Whip:
Well, you see, we couldn’t possibly issue nomination papers without breaking that very important tradition. No, it’s quite impossible.
MP:
Comrade! We’ve never needed nomination papers before though! The Great Leader – the Lord’s Blessings Be Upon Him – is unpopular with the proletariat and the bourgeois! They may remove us from office and restore the Enemy to power, Brother! We must act.
Whip:
Hmm. The Great Leader – the Lord’s Blessing’s Be Upon Him – is getting on with the business of running the country, as you well know Comrade. But either way. It is not up to me. If it is nomination papers you seek, then it is with the NEC you must consult. Go, Comrade. And may The Great Leader forgive your transgressions.
[INT: Labour's NEC HQ - Red flags adorn the walls. The NEC members are adorned with robes, being served grapes and wine by ex-miners dressed in thongs and bow-ties. One approaches]
Head Slave:
Brother, you have been permitted several seconds in which to state your case: Speak!
MP:
Comrades! I seek nomination papers, so that we may exercise our Democratic rights under….
NEC Executive #1:
Your time is up Comrade. (sighs heavily) Brother, you know we have not issued Nomination Papers while in Government? And you know that to issue Nomination Papers now, when we have not done so before, would be very upsetting for the Great Leader?
MP:
Yes but….
NEC Executive #1:
Well, you wouldn’t want to upset the Great Leader?
MP:
No but….
NEC Executive #1:
Well then. We shall continue the great tradition of Not Issuing Nomination Papers! All Hail The Great Leader Comrades! Hail!
(weary hails)
MP:
Fine. If that’s the way we want it Comrades. At least I’ll get to say my piece at the conference! You’ll see! The brother’s and sisters of the Labour Party won’t stand for this, you hear me?
(The NEC executives look at each other, quizzically)
NEC Executive #2:
Comrade, in order to speak at Conference you need a speaking permit. Do you have a speaking permit?
MP:
Er… um… no?
Head Slave:
Oh dear. (shakes head)
MP:
Can I have a speaking permit?
NEC Executive #1:
Only the Great Leader – May The Lord’s Blessing’s Be Upon Him – an authorise a Speaking Permit at conference! You know that, Comrade! How could Our Beloved Democratic Socialism work without Order and rules and confidence that the Comrades speaking are not polluted with False Consciousness? You’re not suffering from False Consciousness, are you, Comrade?
MP:
Me? What? Er… What?? No!!
(MP flees)
Much excitement on the internet about the prospect of Brown being out of his post within the next week. Mark Reckons has given a £10 evens bet on it. Easy tenner.
As bad as things are though, I can’t see Brown stepping down.
For starters, that would require Brown to grudgingly accept that there’s someone else in the Labour Party that can lead the party better than he can. There’s no way he’s going to accept that.
Next, it needs Brown to give up on his hope that he can turn things around as his ‘message’ of ‘action’ versus ‘nothing’ begins to get through. There’s no way he’s going to give up on that.
Then he needs to believe that there’s someone else in the Labour Party who can fight at better General Election campaign than he can. Remember he believes himself to be the guy that got Blair re-elected in 2005. He’s the master campaigner, the master election strategist. No-one else can be trusted, can they?
Finally he’d need to feel that he’s had every minute of being PM he’s entitled to, that he’s had ‘what he deserves’ for his loyal service to the Labour Party, and believe that there’s other people who now deserve the chance to lead Labour. He believes he’s entitled to more.
Brown won’t go voluntarily. The pressure and murmurings of rebellion will do nothing to dent Brown’s resolve.
So how do you remove a Labour Prime Minister? He can be replaced at their Conference, assuming enough MPs can get the correct forms in to the NEC in the correct time-scales. But there’s the tricky issue of getting the NEC to issue these forms in the first place - there’s a precedent that they do not issue these papers while the Leader is serving as Prime Minister. The machinery of the Labour Party is set up to make it impossible for MPs to remove the Prime Minister with a democratic process.
An alternative tactic would be for every Cabinet Minister to resign, and every backbencher refuse to take up a Cabinet post – however that’s the realms of fantasy. It would cause a constitutional crisis and force the dissolution of parliament and an immediate General Election. Labour MPs will not want to use any tactic that causes a General Election.
Same goes for a blackmail dissolution of Parliament vote – a Labour Backbencher, with the support of the Tories and the Lib Dems, decides to trigger a vote of no confidence in the Government. More than 63 Labour MPs say they’ll vote ‘no confidence’ if Brown doesn’t resign before the vote – Brown would call their bluff and decide that standing up to backbench terrorists will stand him in good stead if they do, in fact, end up voting ‘no confidence’.
No, there’s no way to force Brown out of the role that doesn’t involve a General Election, with perhaps one exception – would Brown listen to Sarah Brown? Could she be the only person who could make Brown see sense?
So Mark, I’ll take your £10 bet.
There’s only two reasons a Labour Cabinet minister ever resigns. Either the Government declares an illegal war somewhere and they can’t cope with the collective responsibility, or it’s to distance themselves from an unpopular leader and make themselves available for a cushy spot under a new regime.
Lot of them standing down just now. Let’s go through the checklist: Invaded a country recently? No. Unpopular Leader? Ah. Yes. There it is.
Of course, knowing that the Hyacinth Bucket of the cabinet is jumping, rather than being being pushed demonstrates she’s in battling mood. Brown may well be about to unleash a monster. The zombies are fighting back.
What ever happened to the ‘Vision’ that Brown so urgently needed to communicate that he had no choice but to abandon General Election plans?
He never did explain what it was that he so desperately needed the Premiership for in the first place. You spend 10 years plotting and scheming to get the job and you realise, once you’ve got it, you don’t know what to do next? It seems unthinkable but that’s exactly what’s happened.
Brown’s vision these days is ‘fighting the recession’ and ‘cleaning up politics’ – both issues on the agenda due to events out of his control (or the result of his previous ‘efforts’). Hardly the stuff of a legendary ‘vision’ which required another 2 years to explain, or justified the extermination of Blair.
Where’s Brown’s agenda? Where’s Brown’s leadership? The expectation that Brown would explode into the premiership with a host of fantastically original and popular ideas that he’d been dreaming up (and holding back) over the last ten years turned out to be way off the mark. There’s nothing there, just the pure ambition of a man who wanted the prestige of the role for its own sake, to make his mark on history.
Is it any wonder though? Selecting a leader based on who’s ‘turn’ it was, who was most ‘entitled’ to it rather than who was most suitable and qualified sort of sums up entirely what’s wrong with the Labour Party and the way they think. Taking turns rather than using competition, you see? The results can be catastrophic.
