Welcome, sadists, to Blog Deathmatch 2009. Political Blog owners are now, as we speak, debasing themselves across the internet soliciting votes in this year’s, “Oo’s got the best blog?’ competition. It’s cruel. It’s unusual. And yet, bloggers, being shamelessly egotistical creatures, are powerless to resist.

This year it’s not being hosted directly by Aunty Dale. As a special treat, it’s being run by his ambitious organ, “Total Politics” with the full backing of Labour Barf, and Lib Dem Voice. This makes it not just a battle between bloggers – it’s a battle between parties, too. Be still my beating (and cold, black) heart.

See, last year and all previous years it was run by Iain himself. Cynical Non-Tories said, “this is just a cheesy way to get a million links from everyone, isn’t it? Isn’t it?” The result? Tory blogs dominated. They’d have dominated anyway, but still: Bias! screamed the internet. Much stalking and bitter acrimony ensued as recriminations and accusations of a ‘fix’ were thrown around.

So being held in neutral territory means no excuses. This is a warm-up for the General Election. The outcome of this contest is the portent of what’s to come! Yes, it’s really that important!

The questions, which fall to you, are very simple:

1. Do you know of, or read, 10 or more political blogs? (that excludes, I reckon, about 80% of blog readers)
2. Can you be arsed sending an email for which there’s no reward, no benefits other than, potentially, making some big headed, egotistical twat of a blogger feel ‘a bit chuffed’ for a couple of minutes in about two months time? (that brings us down to about 2% of blog readers left)
3. Can you follow basic instructions? (there’s about 3 people left now)
4. Do you honestly, honestly have nothing better to do? (ah, you’ve all gone home)

So, look, assuming you’ve survived the cull and passed this test you’re no doubt full of the glow of being special.. really really special… and because I just can’t talk you out of it, I suggest you point your browser at the Total Politics Page Of Solicitation, where you shall receive further instruction and cake. Okay maybe not cake. Or maybe cake.

I for one will be voting for whoever does the best job of humiliating and debasing themselves in the pursuit of my vote. Stuart Sharpe’s winning by a mile so far. Don’t believe the rumours I’ve already voted – believe me: your grovelling will not be wasted.

For the curious, I came a very satisfying 46th out of the Top 50 Lib Dem blogs last time. I’d like to not appear at all, and that way I can pretend the establishment is out to get me, therefore moulding my blog into a beacon of self pitying bitter hatred for everyone else for the next year. Can’t wait!