Welcome, sadists, to Blog Deathmatch 2009. Political Blog owners are now, as we speak, debasing themselves across the internet soliciting votes in this year’s, “Oo’s got the best blog?’ competition. It’s cruel. It’s unusual. And yet, bloggers, being shamelessly egotistical creatures, are powerless to resist.
This year it’s not being hosted directly by Aunty Dale. As a special treat, it’s being run by his ambitious organ, “Total Politics” with the full backing of Labour Barf, and Lib Dem Voice. This makes it not just a battle between bloggers – it’s a battle between parties, too. Be still my beating (and cold, black) heart.
See, last year and all previous years it was run by Iain himself. Cynical Non-Tories said, “this is just a cheesy way to get a million links from everyone, isn’t it? Isn’t it?” The result? Tory blogs dominated. They’d have dominated anyway, but still: Bias! screamed the internet. Much stalking and bitter acrimony ensued as recriminations and accusations of a ‘fix’ were thrown around.
So being held in neutral territory means no excuses. This is a warm-up for the General Election. The outcome of this contest is the portent of what’s to come! Yes, it’s really that important!
The questions, which fall to you, are very simple:
1. Do you know of, or read, 10 or more political blogs? (that excludes, I reckon, about 80% of blog readers)
2. Can you be arsed sending an email for which there’s no reward, no benefits other than, potentially, making some big headed, egotistical twat of a blogger feel ‘a bit chuffed’ for a couple of minutes in about two months time? (that brings us down to about 2% of blog readers left)
3. Can you follow basic instructions? (there’s about 3 people left now)
4. Do you honestly, honestly have nothing better to do? (ah, you’ve all gone home)
So, look, assuming you’ve survived the cull and passed this test you’re no doubt full of the glow of being special.. really really special… and because I just can’t talk you out of it, I suggest you point your browser at the Total Politics Page Of Solicitation, where you shall receive further instruction and cake. Okay maybe not cake. Or maybe cake.
I for one will be voting for whoever does the best job of humiliating and debasing themselves in the pursuit of my vote. Stuart Sharpe’s winning by a mile so far. Don’t believe the rumours I’ve already voted – believe me: your grovelling will not be wasted.
For the curious, I came a very satisfying 46th out of the Top 50 Lib Dem blogs last time. I’d like to not appear at all, and that way I can pretend the establishment is out to get me, therefore moulding my blog into a beacon of self pitying bitter hatred for everyone else for the next year. Can’t wait!
Mark Reckons said...
16 Jul 09 at 7:47 pm
I don’t believe for one second you would rather not appear in the top 50
Stu said...
16 Jul 09 at 7:48 pm
Well, anything being run by Iain Dale’s ambitious organ is bound to scare off the lefties!
Oh, and ta for the hat-tip.
Martin said...
16 Jul 09 at 7:53 pm
Whelp, I sent my list off. Who was on it? ITS A SECRET BALLOT >=(
measured said...
16 Jul 09 at 8:27 pm
Done….and yes, you were up there, O Queen.
Obnoxio The Clown said...
16 Jul 09 at 8:29 pm
Well, FWIW, I voted for you. Hope that doesn’t fuck your chances! ;o)
Charlotte Gore said...
16 Jul 09 at 8:34 pm
Woo! I didn’t vote for you obviously, being a clownist and everything.
David Davis said...
16 Jul 09 at 9:08 pm
I don’t give a stuff whether the Libertarian Alliance has the best blog or not. I just write the thing (mostly). And I don’t even care a monkey’s f*** if other libertarians criticize it for being jingoist tory Reaganite neocon diahorrea. This guy doesn’t think much of our output for a start:-
http://towardsmutualbenefit.blogspot.com/2009/07/illibertarian-alliance.html
People are angry. Something needs to be done, other than publishing the odd paper, getting the mike cut off at the BBC wireless, and having conferences.
So I understand why nobody wants to feature us on their bog-roll, but I’m past caring.
Sorry to smash up all your china, Charlotte. It won’t happen again, I assure you!
Charlotte Gore said...
16 Jul 09 at 9:11 pm
You know, I just added you to my blog roll for the sheer perverse hell of it.
Anton Howes said...
17 Jul 09 at 12:13 am
I thought step 4 was why we all decided to set up blogs in the first place… ?
Good luck!
I’ve ruled myself out – my blog doesn’t even have comments – probably because posts are so long and dense that nobody gets to the end of them…
My subtitle: “Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a bit like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else” is clearly as accurate as intended.
David Davis said...
17 Jul 09 at 7:58 am
Thanks, Charlotte old bean!
Charlotte Gore said...
17 Jul 09 at 9:10 am
Anton,
A few tips for you! First, try to keep you word count below 500. Mix it up a bit – have some shorter posts too.
Second, link to other blog posts – bloggers nearly always find out about these links (for once reason or another) and they’re an easy way to draw attention to your blog and get comments. It might generate links back to you in return at some later date.
Finally, never say everything there is to say on a subject – always leave something for people to argue with or debate
Letters From A Tory said...
17 Jul 09 at 9:48 am
I suspect 46th out of 50 Lib Dem blogs is a long, long, long way below where you will be this year whether you like it or not!
Bryan said...
17 Jul 09 at 9:51 am
What’s a blog?
burkesworks said...
17 Jul 09 at 10:17 am
You may not want to be a member of that club but I have voted for you, and not just for the fact that the field has been left clear for many others I’d rather not see win.
Anton Howes said...
17 Jul 09 at 1:18 pm
Thanks Charlotte,
…but 500 is so hard!
Good point about writing everything though… I just like pre-empting possible counter-arguments. It must be a vice.
Good luck!
Mark Wadsworth said...
18 Jul 09 at 6:33 pm
At this stage I would normally grovel and say I’ll vote for you if you vote for me, but I did mine by open primary yesterday (which had closed again by the time you left your comment) so there we have it. But please vote for me anyway.
The Grim Reaper said...
18 Jul 09 at 9:06 pm
One of the best bloggers, have duly voted for you.
One of the sexiest too, but I digress…
Charlotte Gore said...
19 Jul 09 at 2:50 am
Oo thanks.
Bunny Smedley said...
20 Jul 09 at 9:15 pm
You were there in my top 3, anyway, even though I almost never post fewer than 3,000 words at a time, and find other people’s comments on my site vaguely alarming. Opposites attract, or something like that …
Charlotte Gore said...
20 Jul 09 at 9:24 pm
Ah that’s brilliant, thank you
I hope you’re still in top 100 Conservative bloggers, by the way. Fingers crossed!
Bunny Smedley said...
20 Jul 09 at 9:31 pm
Thanks, Charlotte. It was nice that it happened once, but I can’t really get worked up about whether it ever happens again.
I suppose we all have our own complicated reasons for blogging, and in my case, the desire to attract lots of readers, as opposed to a few dedicated [or, possibly, just plain odd] readers, has never been part of the story – being a niche product is absolutely fine by me!
Charlotte Gore said...
20 Jul 09 at 9:54 pm
You might write 3000 words in your posts but they’re worth 30,000 from some bloggers
You make me wish I knew more about Art.
Did I ever tell you about my one, tiny, shining Art moment? I was watching University Challenge feeling my usual inadequate self when suddenly they started showing an inch squared from a painting and asked the teams to identify the painter, and to my complete amazement – and the utter astonishment of the people around me – I got every single one right. To this day it’s still one of my finest memories: I mostly bunked off Art History classes and was due to be right royally stung for it by the college
I grew up thinking I was going to be an artist until I realised being able to woo buyers was more important than ability to paint and I just lost interest. Hmm… funny how things work out.
The interview you did was Paul was very interesting by the way!