Right, first, install CCTV in every single home, office and street in the UK.
How would you monitor all these CCTV feeds though? How could you be sure the children are safe?
Here’s where the plan is genius: What we need is to vet everyone, and mark those who pass the test – wholesome lifestyle, no unusual sexual practices, no ‘dodgy mates’, no history of once, twenty years ago, puffing on a joint, no smoking, no over-eating, never been fired from a job, never been arrested or cautioned for anything – as “Trusted Workers.”
“Trusted Workers” will be entitled to a license to leave their homes without a permit. The permit system will be handed by Capita through a web interface – put in your request, state your reason for needing to leave the house, put your estimated time of leaving and returning and voila, your ID database entry is updated automatically! Only 50p a go, too!
In addition to this marvelous benefit, “Trusted Workers” will be entitled to a free choice of job, as it will be illegal to employ anyone who does not have “Trusted Worker” status. Everyone else? Well, these are the people who’ll monitor all the CCTV, and they’ll do it from their own homes, see? And because they’re second class citizens with a bitter hatred for “Trusted Workers”, they’ll be especially fastidious in their duties, reporting even the most minor indiscretion – swearing around children, for example, would be the sort of very foolish thing to lose your “Trusted Worker” status for.
I really can’t see the problem with this plan. It creates full employment and a beautiful utopian paradise where everyone is safe and secure forever.
Philip Walker said...
11 Sep 09 at 12:31 pm
Genius! Just one question. How do we make sure that the people administering the “Trusted Worker” scheme are reliable?
Perhaps we need a Trusted Worker Reliable Vetting Officer Scheme, too? Just think of all the jobs this will generate. And jobs mean wealth, so we’ll all be rich, too!
Charlotte Gore said...
11 Sep 09 at 12:35 pm
Well yes, you’d need Extra Special Trusted Workers that report directly to the Government, and yes, with crime abolished and full employment we’ll all be happy and wealthy too. Can’t wait!
burkesworks said...
11 Sep 09 at 12:39 pm
Assuming ice cream is banned in this utopia, does everyone get a pony[1]?
[1] – of which this latest nanny scheme from HMG is a load.
CSLD said...
11 Sep 09 at 12:57 pm
How do we stop the new developments like the ISA, Charlotte? Is there a campaign? I’m angry and I want to stop this whole corrupt control. It makes me sick!
Nick said...
11 Sep 09 at 1:13 pm
I think we need to create another class of people for this utopia to function correctly – surely, if Capita shareholders aren’t given a special exemption from all the regulations and monitoring, the system will fail. Of course, there’ll also need to be another ruling to ensure that all Labour MPs are also Capita shareholders, as excessive monitoring would restrict them in their ability to enforce new regulations on us.
Fearless Frank said...
11 Sep 09 at 1:25 pm
This is the latest in the insane and destructive campaign to destroy trust – particularly between children (vulnerable people) and adults (their natural defenders).
The seed was sown by the panicky “stranger danger” scare of the 1980s and has grown into a monstrous weed sucking the life out of normal human relations.
Humphries, on form for once on Today, skewered some mealy mouthed apparatchik from the Department of You Know It Makes Sense, by pointing out: ‘The presumption is that we are all guilty’.
Ian B said...
11 Sep 09 at 3:06 pm
Where it all started, like most of this shit, was the USA, with the Satanic Ritual Abuse panic. That would have stayed perhaps among the loonies of the Bible Belt- except for a book called Michelle Remembers, which crossed it over into the left-wing/new agey therapist community. From there it surged into the hard-left feminist/social worker community and across the atlantic. It appealed to both sides, as all the best panics do- both “conservatives” and “progressives”.
SRA was supposedly debunked, but it simply mutated into a more adaptive form, the “paedophile panic”. It was an enormous hit in that form, and the die was cast. Anything which appeals to both lefties and the Daily Mail reader is a guaranteed success. Don’t expect any rationality after that point.
We are all the enemy now. Every last one of us. Get used to it.
Plato said...
11 Sep 09 at 3:26 pm
Oh I just find this all so depressing.
Ian Huntley was the boyfriend of a teaching assistant – he was A school caretaker but NOT at the school Jessica and Holly went to.
They went to see Maxine who they knew from ANOTHER school.
I’ve recently been working at a very large gov dept where all new recruits have to undergo a CRB check – these peeps have ZERO contact with anyone other than other senior [£70k+] Whitehall bods and a handful of central pen pushers.
Are these ‘vulnerable adults’?
Timothy Wallace said...
11 Sep 09 at 3:50 pm
Even if you are innocent, the vetting process might ban you from working with kinds. Called ‘soft intelligence’, the idea is that adults who have been accused or suspected of child abuse in the past but where nothing has been proven, are treated as if they’re guilty. Disgusting. http://bit.ly/2miMfa
Oranjepan said...
11 Sep 09 at 10:01 pm
…somewhere down the line I see a public outcry from parents who would like to send little johnny to a school where class sizes are less than 100.
If we’re going to have CRB checks then lets have them across the board – how many MPs would fail?
Oranjepan said...
11 Sep 09 at 10:09 pm
Can someone also explain to me how the Asbo generation will fund the retirement of their parents whilst they are forcibly prevented from entering responsible professions which pay sufficiently to do so, as appears the intention?
Jack Hughes said...
12 Sep 09 at 11:35 am
This bonkers scheme will help nobody, but will wreck the scouts, the guides, the cubs, brownies, football, rugby, netball, tennis, basketball, swimming, woodcraft folk, drama clubs, orchestras, nature clubs, conservation, gardening clubs, athletics, ice hockey, skating …
In fact it’s hard to see any voluntary childrens activities surviving this kiss of death.
Oliver said...
12 Sep 09 at 1:32 pm
Hi, I’ve set up a Facebook group to protest against this and hopefully organise some sort of campaign against it. It’d be great if you could all join it.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=137077311637&ref=nf
JuliaM said...
12 Sep 09 at 5:25 pm
“In fact it’s hard to see any voluntary childrens activities surviving this kiss of death.”
Working as intended then. In the future, everything – even leisure activities – will flow from the State. Can’t have those ghastly serfs organising things for themselves, after all…
Ian B said...
12 Sep 09 at 5:48 pm
I chatted to my dad about this a while ago. He’s heavily involved in brass bands, which includes of course teaching youngsters. It’s already got to the stage where it’s virtually impossible to find anyone to volunteer, because they’re scared of being accused of something.
The abuse industry know exactly what they are doing. Destroy normal interaction and replace it with interaction allowed by and organised by the State, as JuliaM says. So, there’s no volunteer brass bands, so you have to have a State “music club”, the ideology of which will be nice and progressive. Brass bands? That’s very english. That’s institutional racism. We’ll be doing ethnic music, children. Let’s write a communal piece of music on our Gambian nose flutes, about global warming…
Jack Hughes said...
12 Sep 09 at 8:51 pm
Do you pommies have any civil liberty groups ? Maybe some kind of national council for civil liberties ?