So, time to start thinking about the wisdom of writing policy ideas for Labour because, like Nineteen-eighty-four, they don’t spot the satire, they don’t spot the joke, they don’t really see the problem.

Oh, sure, they’ve managed to make it a bit more accessible and voter friendly, but the basic idea of putting the unemployed to work monitoring everyone else on CCTV from their own homes, which I wrote up as a piss take here, is apparently going to become a frickin’ reality according to the BBC.

Sick. I feel sick.

UPDATE: I realise it’s a private security company doing this, offering people ‘points’ for spotting shoplifting. Here’s the problem with this: If you provide an incentive for people to spot wrong-doing, you’re going to get an awful lot of false positives… not sure you’ve seen them put something in their bag? Better report it anyway – don’t want to miss the points, and points win prizes. As something that’s going to piss off a lot of people and just generally add to the horrible atmosphere, I think it’s a dead cert winner.

Consumers should be allowed to know which shops are using this system, so that if you’re Black, or Asian, or a teenager, or just a bit scruffy you know to stay away from these shops, or at least ensure you’re not carrying any bags, or wearing a coat, and have your hands firmly in your pockets (or in the air) at all times. Remember to avoid looking at cameras, or just generally looking at the wrong thing. Act natural.

So yes, as long as there’s a warning on the shop entrance saying, “this store is monitored by anonymous internet curtain twitchers. We take no responsibility for footage of you appearing on Youtube” so I can stay away I’ll be happy.

But if the idea’s successful, if it works, if it causes no problems, expect to see distributed CCTV monitoring being taken seriously by Councils and Government… then I’ll be distinctly unhappy.