So yesterday was the Pre-Budget Report, and as predicted Alistair Darling (the one that looks like a badger) did indeed make a list of the naughty and the nice. Let’s break it down: (Warning: Activate sarcasm detectors…. now!)

Nice:

The Government tops the Nice list, of course! The last forecasts they made were wildly wrong, but these new forecasts show that the emergency’s over now, the debt’s under control and there’s no need to panic. Well done them!

The Bingo Industry are next. In a move that will no doubt cheer the Old Lady vote, the Be-badgered one has bestowed his beneficence upon this key, vital, industry.

Zany Companies with ‘Green’ In Their Name will be falling over themselves to secure the £160m of money floating around for miscellaneous environmental ‘projects’ and £200 million for insulation fitters.

Anyone who makes Wind Turbines or Electric cars – tax rebates! exemptions! Green Industry of Tomorrow… TODAY!

Training Course Providers – Unemployed Under 24s are guaranteed a job or training after 6 months. GUARANTEED! Current a million of the little blighters, so that’ll be 1,000,000 training course places needed – we’re not quite living in the sort of socialist state where walking carbon based units of production are told where they’re going to be working, nor can the Government make a company employ a certain person.

School Catering Suppliers – thanks to free school meals being extended to half a million of Labour’s core vote, expect a big rise in demand for raw chips and beans.

Naughty:

Everyone who works for a living – Increase in National Insurance, because we all know that the reason we’re all in this economic mess is because we’re all just not generous enough with the fruits of our labour as far as the state’s concerned. If we’d been giving extra tax voluntarily we wouldn’t be having this problem but NO, we’re too greedy, so this selfishness will be corrected.