So yesterday was the Pre-Budget Report, and as predicted Alistair Darling (the one that looks like a badger) did indeed make a list of the naughty and the nice. Let’s break it down: (Warning: Activate sarcasm detectors…. now!)

Nice:

The Government tops the Nice list, of course! The last forecasts they made were wildly wrong, but these new forecasts show that the emergency’s over now, the debt’s under control and there’s no need to panic. Well done them!

The Bingo Industry are next. In a move that will no doubt cheer the Old Lady vote, the Be-badgered one has bestowed his beneficence upon this key, vital, industry.

Zany Companies with ‘Green’ In Their Name will be falling over themselves to secure the £160m of money floating around for miscellaneous environmental ‘projects’ and £200 million for insulation fitters.

Anyone who makes Wind Turbines or Electric cars – tax rebates! exemptions! Green Industry of Tomorrow… TODAY!

Training Course Providers – Unemployed Under 24s are guaranteed a job or training after 6 months. GUARANTEED! Current a million of the little blighters, so that’ll be 1,000,000 training course places needed – we’re not quite living in the sort of socialist state where walking carbon based units of production are told where they’re going to be working, nor can the Government make a company employ a certain person.

School Catering Suppliers – thanks to free school meals being extended to half a million of Labour’s core vote, expect a big rise in demand for raw chips and beans.

Naughty:

Everyone who works for a living – Increase in National Insurance, because we all know that the reason we’re all in this economic mess is because we’re all just not generous enough with the fruits of our labour as far as the state’s concerned. If we’d been giving extra tax voluntarily we wouldn’t be having this problem but NO, we’re too greedy, so this selfishness will be corrected.

If this BBC report is true (and it seems plausible enough) then there’s a very simple moral and lesson we can all learn.

As soon as you accept help from the Government, you become their bitch forever.

A 50% tax on bank bonuses though? People already pay income tax on cash bonuses anyway… is this an additional tax, or simply stating that all bonuses for one particular category of people will be subject to a different threshold?

In other words, instead of these bonuses being taxed at 40% as they already are, they’ll be taxed at 50%… assuming, of course, that someone getting a more than £10k bonus isn’t already going to end up in the Government’s new ultra-f**k-you band of income tax. Instead of getting£4k from a £10k bonus the state will now get £5k.

And how do they justify applying this tax to Barclays or HSBC workers? In fact, why not apply this rule to all cash bonuses?

The idea of arbitrary taxation like this, the idea that the Government will now start tweaking taxation to target people in specific companies is horrifying for me. I expect Hayek would positively explode at this one.

But, hurray, we’re all saved! I’m sure the taxation raised will make up for the hideous precedent they’re setting.

Told you: WONDERMENT.

Yes, something fantastically exciting is happening today. Something that’s going to make birds sing, turn the sky blue and turn your ‘play Slade one more time mother f**ker. I dare you. I f**king double dare you. Play Slade one more god-dammed time’ blues into the ‘OMG I like SOOO love Xmas music!’ happy happy joy joys.

Yes, I’m talking about the Pre Budget Report. It’s today…. WHAM! Yeah, you’re happy now, right? You’re smiling now!

Spread the word. Spread the love. Pre-Budget Reporting is coming, and I’m assured that Alistair Darling has been making a list, checking it twice and finding out who’s naughty and nice.

I have every expectation that this time I’m going to be in the ‘nice’ category. Oh yes.

It’s one thing to accept, intellectually, that Labour is capable of winning itself a fourth term. It’s quite another to worry that they might.

Which brings me to today. For the first time I had that same sorry sinking feeling I had when it became obvious that Bush might secure himself a second term.

It’s about imagining the television coverage of the election as the seats come in and the BBC saying, “Well, if Labour are going to win then this seat is exactly the sort of seat they need to hold onto isn’t it?” and the reporter on location says, “Indeed. There’s going to be some smiling faces in Millbank tonight. This seat was crucial for them, and… yes… the Tories are looking very glum here, John.”

In 2004 you had the macho man-with-a-plan Bush junior versus the effete well-its-complicated-really Kerry. Despite the strength of feeling against Bush, the Democratic Party found itself unable to ‘leverage’ it – Kerry was a profoundly charmless character. He was an empty vessel on which to hang anti-Bush sentiment. It’s hard to believe there was a doubt about how that election would turn out – hindsight is a wonderful and terrible thing.

No two elections are alike, of course, and American politics cannot be compared with British politics in any serious way – but I’m starting to wonder just how many people want Cameron? Is there a chance that he could be the Kerry of British Politics – utterly failing to capitalise on an utterly hated incumbent?

My preference for a Tory Government over a 4th Labour terms is a reluctant one – but it’s inspired by the idea that if Labour are rewarded for all they’ve done with another term, they’ll have no hesitation in giving us more of the same – and, in fact, be emboldened to go further.

It’s the little things, of course – the attempts to subvert the Data Protection act, the attempts to rig in the internet in favour of the movie studios, the 90 days detention… but most people don’t give a toss about any of that.

Then there’s the economy – an enormous enlargement of the public sector and regulation on the private sector at the same time as a huge enlargement of debt. No-one seems able to explain convincingly why Britain will avoid the same fate as Japan – who, having hit zero percent interest rates engaged in massive public works with borrowed money… and then spend the next decade without growth because of the burden of that debt.

But most people don’t give a toss about that either. They just want to see the bankers spanked.

And that’s the people who care, obviously, the ones who care enough to have gone looking for answers to the question, “what’s wrong with this country?” – and often fallen foul of theatrical misdirection, showmanship and propaganda. The problem is Global Warming! The problem is dirty businessmen! It’s all the fault of immigrants! Hey man, look at the shiny. See the shiny thing? Look at the shiny thing. Look at it. You want the shiny thing, don’t you? Follow the shiny… follow it… that’s right, follow the shiny…. and you didn’t notice I just stole your watch, did you? No? Wonderful.

And the Tories? Well their answer to the problem, “what’s wrong with this country?” is to point over the benches at Labour. Labour is the problem.

Technically it’s probably true – but guys… seriously? It’s not good enough. It’s like saying ‘the management’ is what’s wrong with a company. Sure, it might be true, but not helpful in figuring out what needs to be done.

The closer to a General Election we get without any serious or interesting policies from the Tories, the more Brown’s accusations that Cameron is a vapid, empty shell begins to stick. They’ve been saying it for years now and, I think, people are starting to believe it. Some will believe anything if you say it often enough. Hell, maybe Brown really is just getting on with the job?

Away from the exciting and interesting world of online Grassroots Tory activism there’s a party facing the public that seems to be determined to feel like having dinner round Nana’s place. Tory Totty and Cameron Cuties ain’t going to win you an election. Not this election.

What a weekend. I’ve been linked to by lots of lefty blogs (always a first time), been called a limp wristed, hand wringing liberal (a new experience). I’ve been called a stupid, ignorant bitch. I’ve been told I can’t do maths and alternatively patronised and slagged off for daring – yes daring – to call out Rod Liddle. I’m, apparently, bullying a poor unfortunate man having an extended mid-life crisis and I should leave him alone. Diddums.

In the row that’s unfolded I’ve been amazed at the arguments people have been making on both sides, but the most alarming is that people have been defending Rod by saying that (at least in London) blacks commit a disproportionate amount of the crime according to their distribution in the population.

That’s an argument. It’s probably backed up by statistics. And it’s been repeated ad infinitum by a lot of people who feel this urgent need to defend Rod Liddle.

But that’s not the argument Rod has made. His argument is that ‘the overwhelming majority’ of certain types of crimes are committed by black people, and that when horrible atrocities are committed we shouldn’t be surprised because, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.

What disgusted me is that when I checked the official figures I couldn’t find evidence to support this claim. Rod has not provided a source for his figures. He’s simply made a throwaway assertion without backing it up, behaving like any old crazy on the internet. He writes for the Spectator – he should aspire to better than tabloid bullshit like this.

The point is that the only rational response to Rod’s piece is to go look up the figures – which I did. I called Rod a shit for brains for making a fallacious argument. If rebutting the argument Rod actually made makes me a stupid, ignorant bitch then bring me the dunce’s cap, because I’m thick and I’m proud.

For the record I’m not a fan of multiculturalism, never have been. I think segregated communities are a recipe for disaster, separate schooling a complete nightmare, but then any ‘community’ is a dirty word for me anyway. I’m a full-on welfare crushin’, NHS dismantlin’, bureaucrat firin’, regulation destroyin’ swivelled eyed free market loon. I’m against ‘affirmative action’ and pro-freedom of speech. I’m against a no-platform policy for the BNP (although admittedly I’ve just dumped what looks like a BNP spammer in the spam bin. No free advertising for you, mate).

If all that makes me a Guardian readin’, water drinkin’, hand wringin’ lefty then… well…. guilty as charged I guess.