Gordon Brown’s Wedding Vows at The Charlotte Gore Blog

This is not to be taken as a sign I have returned to blogging.

Of little interest to political historians and so largely not a matter of public record, the vows Gordon Brown made to Sarah Macaulay in 2000 at a surprise (and secret) ceremony in North Queensbury are published here for the first time

Sarah,

I make to you now a firm commitment and, in a real sense, a binding one. I commit to ensuring love remains at least at the 2000 level for the next 2 years, with an expectation that love will grow by 3.14% by the year 2003 – an end to boom and bust of love of your ex-boyfriend’s years.

In addition, I will ensure that where possible I will agree to honour you, in so far as it is prudent to do so.

I am also pleased to announce that before our first anniversary, I will, in line with estimates both have and hold you, irrespective of your medical needs or financial situation.

This is the firm, near rock solid commitment I make to you. Contrast that with the so-called promises of your ex-boyfriend: He promised you flowers every day without being able to say how he would pay for it! He promised to make love to you twice a day, every day – but we both know that on many days he broke that promise, proving that your ex-boyfriend cannot be trusted.

All your ex-boyfriend could do was sing songs about you, make passionate love and shower you with materialist, capitalist bribes. Is this a boyfriend of substance, or is this a boyfriend who only knows how to tempt you with shim-sham and tricks?

My target of sharing our bed once a month is both practical and, in a very real sense, better suited to a fairer, stronger, tougher marriage. The other targets I have set, which form part of this agreement between us, include at least 2 minutes of conversation per week and a prudent and responsible amount of housekeeping money.

This is my very real commitment to you.

Certain unreliable sources suggest that, towards the end of the vows, Sarah was heard to be snoring from under the veil until Charlie Wheelan, disguised as a bridesmaid, elbowed her sharply in the ribs when it was her turn to speak.

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13 Responses to 'Gordon Brown’s Wedding Vows'

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Obnoxio The Clown said...

20 Mar 10 at 12:55 pm

*snigger*

Little Angussie said...

20 Mar 10 at 2:31 pm

“I commit to ensuring love remains at least at the 2000 level for the next 2 years, with an expectation that love will grow by 3.14% by the year 2003″

is this a cash increase or a ‘real’ increase net of inflation??

a tremendous blog and unfortunately not too far from the truth I suggest – delivered by the Great Leader in glorious monotone!