Right… so…. okay. Deep breath. It turns out that the cracks in the Universe ARE the Doctor’s fault. Or, at least, it’s the fault of his Tardis, anyway. It explodes and leaves strangely identical cracks everywhere and every time in the universe.

Having seen what’s about to happen, all of the Doctor’s enemies have formed an sort of “axis” of “evil” if you will, in order to stop the Doctor blowing up the universe. They don’t realise that they’re making a terrible mistake, that the Tardis explodes under the control of Doctor River Song, Not Doctor Flipperon Quixojifflesquagmoxoid or whatever his real name is.

But, look, let’s just analyse this a little bit further and ask a really obvious question here. The enemies of the Doctor, with their “axis” of “evil” manage to trick the Doctor. They have him entirely under their control. What do they do? Do they vaporise him on the spot, making sure he doesn’t regenerate? No. No they decide to lock him in a box. There’s the Doctor, completely helpless, powerless to resist whatever they want to do, entirely unable to defend himself… and they don’t kill him.

That’s right. They just lock him in a box. Sheesh.

And, in the next episode, he’s inevitably going to escape or be rescued, and their great chance to have got rid of the Doctor once and for all will have been squandered. Again.

Why do villains do this? MORONS! Just. Shoot. The. F**ker.

Presumably there’ll be recriminations and blame. The Cybermen will blame the Daleks. The Daleks will blame the weird Rhino people. The Rhino people will blame the freaky potato people. The potato people will blame the Cybermen. The truth is they’re all stupid. Soooo stupid.