Yesterday I found myself mightily amused by Smoker Logic. Smoker Logic is brilliant, and is something any smoker will recognise: When Smoker Logic is applied to any problem, the solution is always, “have a smoke”. No matter what the problem is. No. Matter. What.
For example, the other day I mentioned that paying less tax was a benefit of giving up. Ah, begins Smoker Logic. But they’re putting up taxes on cigarettes to get you to stop. THEREFORE you should keep smoking. In fact, have a smoke right now! As a fuck you, like! Cos they want you to stop! Fuck them! The only way to win is to pay the tax no matter what! They HATE it when you pay more tax!
Yeah. Sure. Truth is packing in cigarettes is the single greatest perfectly legal tax avoidance scheme known to man. No expensive accountants required and you don’t even need to leave the country.
Of course if it were that simple Governments wouldn’t be able to tax tobacco in the way that they do. Smoker Logic says, “Have a smoke” as the solution to every problem, including the problem of how to give up smoking. Giving up smoking? Simple: have a smoke! Magic!
Smoking’s addictive, which people imagine means that it’s like Pong or Pac Man or Tetris or buying shoes or chocolate. You know… a bit moreish. Not really. In this context, “addictive” means that your brain gets rewired into believing that the substance you’re addicted to is AWESOME and you MUST continue FOREVER because its AWESOME. It’s not your conscious mind that gets reprogrammed though. Your conscious mind knows exactly what’s going on. Problem is people listen to their subconscious first, without even realising they’re doing it.
Needless to say I’m currently engaged in a battle with my half-witted subconscious, although this time I’m winning, which is why I’ve not had a smoke since Monday evening. “No, you moron,” says I to my subconscious. “You know NOTHING. You’re an instinct based want->get->reward->want reaction machine and I’m not fucking listening to you. Whinge all you want. Cry all you want. I don’t care. ”
That’s basically it. Every time I feel like smoking I explain the situation to myself all over again, that I’m in that battle between my subconscious and conscious mind and that with time my subconscious will get bored and start worrying about something else and I will basically be a lot richer, healthier and less of a drug addict than I was this time last week. I just need, for a very short while, to apply reason ahead of bellyfeel. Double plus good!
So this time I’m going to win. This is one of the few areas of my life where I can choose to be a slave, or I can choose to be free. Just like in the real world, choosing freedom often means things get worse before they get better, but things do get better.
So, if you want a super evil libertarian way of giving up smoking, do this: Imagine your smoking addiction as welfare spongers and cigarettes the welfare. If you cut off the ‘spongers’ from the ‘welfare’ they’re going to give you grief for ages, but, eventually, they’ll ‘get jobs’ and they won’t need ‘welfare’ anymore.
Yep. Can’t lose. 
