Poor Alix Mortimer. She’s relocated to the ‘Nu Lab’, otherwise known as Manchester – the Government’s Laboratory for all all things politically.. er… Lavatory. 

This time it’s a trial of ID cards. She covers the subject – and her reaction – here. Meanwhile, I’m thinking… how on earth do you sell someone an ID card? 

Snappy Snaps Guy: Hello Madam. Can I interest you in an ID Card?

Me: What is it?

Snappy Snaps Guy: It’s a piece of plastic with your name and picture on it, and the details are stored on the Database.

Me: Okay.  What does it do?

Snappy Snaps Guy: Well you can show it to people and it will tell them your name.

Me: Can’t I just, you know, tell them my name?

Snappy Snaps Guy: Ah well this is proof that your name is your name, and proof that your face looks like your face.

Me: I didn’t know my name and face was in doubt.

Snappy Snaps Guy: Oh, yes, very doubtful. If you can’t prove who you are how do you even know you really exist? 

Me: I beg your pardon?

Snappy Snaps Guy: Sorry, I’m only part-time here. I’m a philosopher by trade really. 

Me: Ah. Right. Well, no, I don’t think I need an ID card. Not having one isn’t causing me to have an existentialist crisis quite yet. 

Snappy Snaps Guy: But wait! There’s more! If you get a film developed, we’ll do you an ID card for a special early adopter’s rate of £30!

Me: Well, only £30? Why didn’t you say so!! So, wait, how do I prove to you that I am who I say I am in order to be able to get one of these proofs of identity then?

Snappy Snaps Guy: Well that’s easy, we just need proof of ID. 

Me: So it’s already possible for me to prove my identity?

Snappy Snaps Guy: Technically yes,  but it’s just not as cool as being on a big Government Database is it? Plus ID cards come with a 6th month ‘no existentialist crisis’ guarantee, where if you’re not 100% satisified with your ID card we will immediately reprint you a new card, no questions asked. Just remember though, once you have your ID card you’re required by Law to pop into your local Snappy Snaps branch to update any changes to your details. If you have a face transplant or change address.

Me: And that’s a free service is it?

Snappy Snaps Guy: Well no that’s going to be £25. 

Me: And if I refuse? I mean, these cards are voluntary, surely it’s ‘voluntary’ to keep the details up to date?

Snappy Snaps Guy: No, if you fail to keep the details up to date someone from Boots will kick you to death in front of your children.

Me: I don’t have any children.

Snappy Snaps Guy: Oh, wait, let me just make a note of that. What’s your name again, by the way?

Me: Er… I’m not telling you. 

Snappy Snaps Guy: But how am I supposed to issue you with an ID card if you won’t tell me your name?

Me: A very good question. And if I tell you my name but you’re not around to hear it, will you still be able to charge me £30?

Ecetera, Ecetera. Cut to car chase and police helicopters, and me saving a Nuclear Powerplant from meltdown and a family of puppies (a very mean and vicious family of puppies).

I’m reliably informed that in Ireland, even if you don’t believe in God, you’re still regarded as Catholic and a Christian – you can become a ‘lapsed’ Catholic, but that’s as far as it goes. I think British people find it difficult to appreciate just how ingrained Christianity is in Irish culture, where nationality and religion are blurred to the point where it’s almost impossible to make a distinction between the two – to be Irish is to be Catholic. Full separation of Church and State has a long way to go (although that’s still true here, to a lesser extent).

A huge story over there is the attempt to bring about a new and rather severe Blasphemy law:

Dermot Ahern, Ireland’s justice minister, has proposed the legislation, which will outlaw anything seen as “grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion”. The legislation also includes fines of up to €100,000 for “blasphemous libel”, a move that Nugent and Atheist Ireland describe as “criminalising free speech”.

Ouch. See, Ireland’s been through something of a shock in the last 20 years, when revelations about child abuse scandals by priests rocked the Nation’s trust in the clergy, and began – in hindsight – what appears to have been a rather hasty march towards a more secular society. But the Establishment, it seems, is fighting back.

Check out this letter to the Irish Independent, entitled, “Label Atheism a Though Crime.” I thought it might be a piss-take but apparently not:

In the interests of rationality and common sense, the legislation should go further and label atheism a thought crime.

Rationality and common sense? Jesus titty f**king Christ!! It makes me sad to see this sort of thing, but obviously there’s limits to how much me, as a Brit, can comment on Irish affairs (there’s baggage, we all know this, however I do have a secularist, anti-nationalist Irish housemate foaming about all this!). I will just say that I hope saner heads will prevail and Ireland’s ‘enlightenment’ isn’t brought to a complete stand-still. Separation of Church and State is the only way you can give equal respect to all religions.