I have been challenged to complete a meme using the old “Chicken?” technique by Constantly Furious. Lib Dems, you see, aren’t capable of hate so it might be funny, you see, to tag us with a ‘Eight Things I Hate’ meme. We’re all very middle of the road, you see.
Okay then. You asked for it.
#8: Micras
Nothing pushes my irrationality buttons more than these awful little cars. It feels like whenever I’m driving along and I get stuck behind another car going below the speed limit, it’s always a Micra. I am bedevilled by the things. Everywhere I go. Always.
Irrationality index:7/10. Strong corrolation between Micra ownership and people who are never in a hurry to get anywhere in particular, however I never notice fast Micras, or slow other cars – just slow Micras.
#7: Hebden Bridge
A small collective of aging eco-hippy socialists manage to dominate the political agenda of this Yorkshire Mill Town to the point where you’d think everyone is an aging eco-hippy socialist. This simply isn’t true. Hebden Bridge has some normal people living there (that the collective call ‘straights’)
Irrationality index:8/10. It’s ridiculous to hate a town just because of a minority of highly vocal and political hippies. It’s actually very charming and beautiful and the people are mostly very friendly. Still, if I ever get on Calderdale Council my first proposal will be the Hebden Bridge By-Pass and guaranteeing planning permission for a branch of McDonalds to open there ASAP.
#6: Joel Schumacher
Batman and Robin. Batman Forever. Phonebooth.
Irrationality index:2/10. Nothing irrational about hating something that’s genuinely awful, although hating the guy because of his work seems a bit extreme when I could quite easily just ignore him and his dire output.
#5: Ska (or anything that I think is Ska)
I can’t explain this one. I just have a think about reggae beats mixed with trumpets and a post-punky vibe. It makes me crazy. I was once listening to Patti Smith’s Horses and went ‘proper mental’ because it sounded like Ska to me. I’m told it’s not Ska, but it pushed the same buttons.
Irrationality index:10/10. Hating a genre of music is inherently irrational, but hating music that’s not even in that genre but you think it is is actually border-line crazy.
#4: Fussbudgetry
I cannot stand people double checking things, like double checking the oven’s turned off, double checking the front door’s locked etc. I have no problems double checking things myself, but other people doing it? Makes me really irrationally angry.
Irrationality index:10/10. I need to learn to let go of the fact that someone else “wasting their time” is their problem not mine.
#3: Trade Unions
The fundamental premise behind Trade Unionism – using force to bully whoever you want to get what you want – strikes me as basically immoral. I will never understand it.
Irrationality index:2/10. Trade Unions have a role to play in helping organisations understand what their employees would like. As employee advocacy, as sources of advice, as resources for legal recourse they’ve got a role to play. But force to get what they want? It disgusts me.
#2: The Celebrity Cult
Another one I’ll never hope to understand. Love for celebrities seems to come from the desire to be a celebrity. By elevating the completely worthless, so the doors are opened for all. No skills, no talents, no abilities, no training, no practice, no learning… just blam – instant adoration and wealth, and all you have to do is be yourself, do interviews, do photo shoots… that’s it. All you gotta do is get noticed and this wonderful life can be yours. If Jade Goody can do it, so anyone can do it, and that gives us all “hope.” Actually, it just makes me want to run around screaming, “HAS EVERYONE LOST THEIR MINDS?”
Irrationality Index: 1/10. The Celebrity Cult is indeed worthy of hatred, neatly encapsulating virtually everything else I hate – willful ignorance, fashionable stupidity and shallowness with intent to bore. One irrationality point for actually caring.
#1: Socialism
Running counter to liberal thought, collectivism holds that it’s okay to sacrifice individuals for the greater good of the collective, and believe that it is morally okay to use force to make this happen. In manifests in policy terms in different ways – sometimes it’s about taxing and controlling otherwise private businesses, other times its a lot worse. Government as a means of helping yourself to whatever you want and using it for whatever purpose you want. Invariably requires authoritarianism to make work as there always remains a persistent and stubborn section of the population that will never willingly submit.
Irrationality Index: 0/10. A system that depends on force? It’s perfectly rational to want to rid the world of Socialism with every fibre of my being. It’s Europe’s curse. It’s Britain’s curse.
Done.
